A New Leaf

I had something amazing happen to me! I know I am suppose to tell my story! I know I will sound crazy to some, but I just hope you believe me because I have never had something like this happen to me. I'm not good at telling people in person, so I am telling my friends online.

Thursday, March 11, 2010, I had a mental breakdown. I have been depressed, as most people know. My marriage has been on rocks and I have been under a lot of stress. I did post things on facebook that are very unlike me and made many friends concerned. I have had suicidal thoughts. Not to the point of trying to figure out when and where, details of that sort. But thoughts of how would I do it, would I be afraid, would I be forgiven and go to heaven and would I really do it. I love my boys so much, I can never imagine leaving them behind. Plus, I'm not sure I would go to heaven so why take the chance. Right?

I spoke to my mother for hours and felt a lot better about my situation. That night, when I layed down to go to bed, everyone else in the house was asleep. I layed there, alone and decided to pray.

Here is what I prayed...

I prayed that Christ would take over my heart, soul, mind and body. That he would guide me to do his will and to remove whatever the devil has sent into me that made me so angry and unable to forgive. I asked Jesus Christ to help me be a better person for my friends and family.

This is where the crazy part comes into play. It's not crazy in my eyes (now anyway) but it may sound to others that maybe I DO need to get mentally evaluated. I saw a vision. I was NOT asleep, so it was not a dream, but it was like I was seeing it through, not my own eyes, but everything surrounding me. The walls for example. I have a hard time explaining that part. I saw me, laying on my bed awake, but not moving. As if I were alive, but frozen??? A light, like water came down on me. It was a bluish color that, not sparkled like it had glitter, but like light shining on water. It came down, what seemed like the ceiling, but I knew it came from somewhere higher than that. It poured into my chest. It didn't hurt. In fact, I couldn't feel it. But when it got inside my body, it washed over it like when you pour a lot of water into a container, it washes over the sides and kind of goes everywhere. I hope you understand what I mean. It was like this water was alive. It washed through me searching for shadows. When it would find shadows (they were attached to me) it would just touch them and they would FLY out of my body. They would be shooting out of me all over the place! Then the water was gone and I was me again. I felt so light and refreshed. I was able to go to sleep. I had no dreams and woke up happy and still refreshed. I was ready for whatever the day had to bring at me.

I felt like I was forgiven and given a new start. I was also suppose to tell my story of what Christ did for me. I have never felt this way before. I have never had anything like this happen to me before. I have always believed in Christ and God and the Bible and it's not that I didn't take it seriously, I guess I kind of felt, OK and then....You know? Now I feel like I have something I really need to learn. I feel like I am suppose to spread the word, whether I am believed to be crazy or not. I am a new person. I am important to Christ. I feel I am always looking for something better and a better job. One I feel important in and now I have been hired (literally) for one more important than any I could ever hope for. I hope this means something to someone out there. Obviously if you are reading this, you were meant to.

God has blessed me, cleansed me and is giving me a second chance. I know I won't be perfect and have a lot of learning to do, but I know my life has been lived so far for the wrong person. ME! Now, it is going in the right direction!

Kim

So obviously its been a while...

Sorry it's been so long! Let me give a quick update...

Riley is 8 months old now...4 months from being a year old! I know! Ausin will be 4 years old in 6 months and is starting t-ball on Monday! Things have flown by so fast!

Things at the Library are going OK. Not what I expected, but still ok. I am taking 3 classes for school right now and have realized it may have been a little much to start with...I know, go ahead, "I told you so". I am taking just one class next semester.

We got to take a vacation 2 weeks ago and I don't know how to tell you how much difference one week makes in a whole year! Well, it has been 3 for me, but you know...

My marriage has its ups and downs as all marriages do. Ours just seems to be extreme ups and downs. I need a girls night out!!! I know that will make things much better!

I have lots of wishes right now. Not really dreams Per Se, but just hopes. I am pretty depressed right now. Maybe it is just stress, but I feel like no one really cares about me. No matter what I do, it never seems to be enough. I hope there is a major change in that soon. I don't know how much more I can handle...:(

Well, that's about it for now. Nothing extravagant, just me. I hope somebody actually reads this. It's not much, but it will show that I am actually important to someone. Whether it be just curiosity or someone wanting to know what it going on in my life, it shows something more than being invisible all the time.

Hope everyone is well. I will try to post more, but I can't promise anything!