Change is in the air

So....Halloween is almost here. The one "holiday" I don't look forward to. This halloween though, I am actually dressing up for work. I will post pictures afterwards. All of us at the library are dressing up in different time periods. My boss Tina is going as a flapper. The others are going as Egyptian, Elizabethian, 60's, a geisha, a hippie and I am going as a roman. It will be fun. I haven't dressed up in years. Austin is going as spiderman and Riley is superman. The firsts are always fun.

Riley is smiling and has laughed a couple of times. He is officially three months old already! I can't believe how fast it has gone! My grandmother is moved into Santa Fe Trails, an assisted living home and gave us her dresser. We moved our old one into Austin's room and moved Riley into ours until we can get a bigger place. His room looks like a big boys room now! He will need to get a twin size bed pretty soon! That would make a good Christmas present maybe...

I lost some weight, but I'm pretty sure I've gained it back. Such is the way of life I guess. There is nowhere near the amount of stress at the library, but I still seem to feel stressed some. Maybe it's the change. I don't know. Money and the never ending bills seems to play a part too. I feel more relaxed but very disconnected from all the friends I've made. I don't see or talk to anyone anymore. It's a little depressing. Almost like I'm giving up all my comforts for relaxation. I hope my friends don't leave me behind...

I'm a little nervous about starting school in January. I'm afraid I won't do well. I feel a lot of change coming on...already beginning I might say. It's worth a try...

Moving on...

So most people know now that I've moved on to the library. I worked there from December 2003 - May 2005 and now I'm going back. Still with the city...just getting away from all the stress! I'm so excited! They are still going to pay for me to go to school, too.

I have decided to take on many challenges of myself lately. I am starting my diet up again and have only gotten off when I had to eat and didn't have time to cook something at home. I've lost a couple of pounds again, but I don't want to discourage myself by weighing too often. I will post before and after pictures WHEN I meet my goal weight loss of 40 pounds. I know..."but you don't need to lose 40 pounds." I hear this everytime, but you don't know what I weigh. Those words are just to be nice...I see myself. I don't think I'm EXTREMELY over weight, but I am over weight. It is what it is...

I am going to do the love dare. I'm going to try anyway. We started to do it before, but we both knew we were doing it and it wasn't as easy. I'm going to do it on my own now. I love Hugh so much, I want our marriage to be everything it can and use to be. With two kids, low paying jobs, the economy, and multiple family dramas, we are always under so much stress. Not to mention the ever changing life styles. Changing jobs, babysitters, diet, etc. Everything changes. It's normal, but hard to handle when it all hits you at the same time.

I have tried to open up to people more. Everytime I made a close friend in the past, except one, I always got hurt in some way. They would lie to or about me, cause issues with others, or say really mean things when it wasn't necessary. I have become so hard to become close with and have realized it. I have become comfortable with being along that it would bother me if Hugh would go out without me, because he was the only one I was comfortable being with. I am going to change this about me. I have become a hermit. I have tried to go out with others to get to know them. I want people to feel comfortable coming and hanging out at our house. I think no one likes to hang out with here because of me. I get nervous with people I don't know well and feel weird if my house is even the slightest bit dirty. It makes me feel bad about myself. I have come to learn that no one really cares what my house looks like or I have come to learn that if they don't like it, they don't have to stay...

We have started going back to church. I LOVE OUR CHURCH! It is SO great! Everything about it is wonderful. I actually look forward to going and don't think about ways to get out of it. We are getting more and more involved. We are just a little slow at going about it. A little at a time...

Austin is growing up so fast! I can hardley keep up...He has a booster seat now for when Hugh has to pick him up from daycare. He sat in it today...in the third row seat in our car! He actually gets to buckle up with that seat and seems so big already! I hate it, but I love it. I have really enjoyed being a mom. It is the best thing that has ever happened to me.

My marriage is getting stronger. I think because we are past that 5 year mark. I have made friends with many people that are younger than us, but I realize that I was married when I was their age. We got married so young, but I know we did it for the right reasons. I wasn't pregnant or rebelling. We were in love! Two years later we had our beautiful son and 5 years into the marriage, we had our other beautiful son. I see him in both of them and couldn't be prouder. He is such a great man inside and out. I love to learn more about him every day. We have got over the hardest things that many young couples don't get past. It just makes me love and appreciate him more. We have the same goal...to be grey headed in rocking chairs on the front porch of our home. We want to build a home one day and want the same thing. I know God put us together. I could never be happier than what I am. When we move on to bigger and better things than what we have, these days won't seem so hard anymore. They will be missed.